The Wings of Death
by General Pajama Pants
Summary: Oneshot of Esme before her suicide, and Carlisle.
1. The Edge

_Sunny days seem to hurt the most  
I wear the pain like a heavy coat_

Somehow, I was peaceful as I stood on the top of the cliff, pondering the meaning of life as I drifted ever close to its termination with each passing second. I did not fear the death that I had chosen. I did not feel anything anymore. I was past feeling at all. Nothing could save me now. Nothing bound me to life. Death was not a scary prospect for me; I had nothing to fear anymore when my life was so devoid of meaning, of purpose. I was empty of emotion, from head to toe, completely lifeless. Just the prison of my body was binding me to earth -and life- now. And soon, I would be free of my body, too.

_I feel you everywhere I go  
I see your smile, I see your face_

I doubted I'd have an afterlife. There was nothing to carry forth into heaven. My chest was empty of my beating heart; my soul, too bruised and beaten and shattered to withstand anything else; my mind too tired and full of hurt to ever survive my death. Nothing would survive me. I would leave nothing behind on this earth as evidence of my short stay. Nobody would mourn my death. Not a soul would grieve for the agony and the pain that had pushed me over the edge. Absolutely nothing would ever mark the beginning, the passage, or the ending of my painfully short existence.

_I hear you laughing in the rain  
I still can't believe you're gone_

Only the irrational pounding of my heart proved that -somehow- I was still alive. My mind reeled away from this; living shouldn't hurt this much. Living shouldn't make me want to rip apart my heart and tear my self into shreds to escape the monumental agony that throbbed within my empty body. But living did hurt. Every breath I dragged through my lips stabbed deep in my chest with shards of ice that twisted and tore apart my heart; it hurt so much to keep living when the rest of me -my soul, my life, my everything- had already died. I was nothing more than a zombie now, stuck in a hideous limbo between life and death, without the benefits of either state.

_It ain't fair you died too young  
Like a story that had just begun_

I had buried my last reason for living yesterday, along with my heart, six feet deep in a tiny coffin. My son. The only thing that tethered me to life, and hope. But he was dead; his tiny heart would never beat again. His life was ended so prematurely. He had deserved a life, everything I had never had, everything I could give him. . . But I would never hold him again. I would never see his toothless, angelic smile. . . And I had no one to blame but Charles. My body still bore the black and blue testaments to his rage when he'd seen my swollen belly.

_The death tore the pages all away  
God knows how I miss you_

An anguished sob wretched past my lips at the fleeting memory of the happiness I'd felt when I saw my son's face, and the agony when I felt his tiny heart lapse into silent. Dull knife torn at me with the unspoken torment that was slowly crushing the life from me. I did not know why there was a pain in my chest, where my heart should be. It had already been torn out and trampled on and buried beneath the earth a thousand times over, laid to rest with the my tattered and beaten soul. There was nothing in my deep, empty chest to feel pain with. But still it ached, despite the logic that told me it shouldn't. Just to keep _living_ hurt.

_All the hell that I've been through  
Just knowing no one could take your place_

I clung at the last remained shreds of peacefulness as I tried to regain composure of myself. The numbness that had come after I decided to end my life was slipping, the tears washing the façade away. I grappled with my emotions, wanting back the numbness that kept reality away.

_Some days the sky's so blue  
I feel like I can talk to you_

I closed my eyes, and took a step forward, where there was no step to take.

_The only thing that gives me hope  
Is I know I'll see you again someday_

The thick blackness of death swallowed me. I felt nothing more.

_Someday, someday. . . _


	2. How to Save a Life

_You've been living way too long, in broken promise land  
Your dreams crushed and scattered like a million grains of sand_

Her body was mangled in so many different ways that it was difficult for me to believe that her heart was still beating. The sweet scent of her blood -somehow still being pushed through her veins by her barely beating heart- filled the air of the stuffy little morgue as I wheeled her away on a stretcher. I'd heard the human doctors saying that she had been found at the bottom of the cliff. I sighed sadly, wondering why she had committed suicide.

_I'd love to be your redemption, but I am just a man  
I may never be a hero, but I'm a rock you can lean on  
_

I could see why the humans had thought her dead; her arms and legs stuck out at awkward angles -her right leg broken in 3 places, the left in 2- and the blood from her many cuts stained her light blue shirt a ghastly shade of purple. Some cuts were deep; the blood had not congealed there, continuing to flow freely, trickling down her skin in winding rivulets that quickly discolored the white sheets of the stretcher. It was a miracle she'd even survived the fall. Her pulse was very faint when I pressed my fingers to her throat. But it was still there.

_If I don't love you like you deserve  
If I don't stop every tear you're crying  
_

As I looked over her arms, I saw the faded yellow of an old bruise on her forearm. It wasn't from the fall; it was in the rough shape of a human hand. Now that I had noticed this old bruise, more of them seemed to appear. On her arms, her legs, her face. . . Her broken body was riddled with bruises, both old and new, that gave a tiny bit of insight as to why she'd committed suicide in the first place.

_If I don't make your life heaven on this earth  
I'll die trying, I'll die trying  
_

I gasped sharply, quietly, my quick mind quickly adding up the facts easily.

_  
I'll listen to your secret prayer and share your deepest wish  
Searched for a hundred years just to find the perfect kiss  
_

I glanced up at her face again, feeling a rush of familiarity as I quickly remembered her as the girl whose leg I had set nearly 10 years before. Her name was Esme, I recalled. She had matured so much, into a beautiful, motherly looking woman that I felt a sudden, powerful stab of anger for the man that had broken such a lovely woman.

_  
Everything within my power, there's nothing I won't give  
To be that man in your life  
_

I'd've liked to rip the monster's head off myself, but something caught my eye. I looked closer at her beautiful face -the loving face of a young mother, made so much older by worry lines that should not have been on such a youthful, kindly face-, noticing small white trails running down her cheek, popping out under the yellow light of the incandescent bulb. . Tear tracks. I traced one hesitantly with a pale finger, worry creasing my brow; her skin was barely warm.

_  
That takes what's wrong and makes it right  
If I don't love you like you deserve  
_

Her face oddly reminded me of my mother, though I remembered little of her. Her lips were set in a calm line, slightly parted, and her long, wavy auburn hair framed her still face and fanned about her head, almost like a halo. I realized, with blinding clarity right then, that she was the mot beautiful woman I'd ever seen. So soft, and kindly, and beautiful, like an angel. . .

_  
If I don't stop every tear you're crying  
If I don't make your life heaven on this earth  
_

Something clicked into place the moment I laid eyes on her pale, silently stunning face. Some part of me was completed as I looked with my golden eyes upon her classically angelic face. . .

_  
I'll die trying, I'll die trying  
I may never be a hero, but I'm a rock you can lean on  
_

So this was what it was like to be in love. It was beautiful to feel like this about someone, to understand what Romeo had felt like when he saw Juliet's beautiful face, to know the feeling so many had named love. I felt strangely light-headed; a warm feeling throbbed where my silent heart lay, deep in my chest that was now overflowing with the strength of the love I felt for her. For Esme.

_  
If I don't love you like you deserve  
If I don't stop every tear you're crying  
_

The beauty of the moment was ruined by the sudden stuttering of her heart. A feeling of agony washed through me, a thousand times worse than the terrible fire that had turned me into a vampire. The pain spiked, echoed in my mind as well as my heart, as her heart began faltering more now, an uneven staccato against the healthy beating of the human doctors in the next room.

_  
If I don't make your life heaven on this earth  
I'll die trying. . .  
_

She was dying.

_  
Don't just call it quits, say there's no chance for you out there  
I know you're at a crossroads where love doesn't seem to be fair  
_

Unthinkingly, I bent over her still, white body. My teeth grazed her almost-cold throat, and the venom flowed freely.

_  
He made no effort to satisfy all your hopes and dreams  
But if you'll give love another shot and look to me  
_

I had to save her.

_I'll die trying. . ._

* * *

Disclaimer: Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer, and the songs, respectively, property of Kenny Chesney and Emerson Drive. No copyright infringement is intended.

Authors Notes: If any of you were wondering, the lyrics belong to the songs Who You'd Be Today by Kenny Chesney (Esme's) and I'll Die Trying by Emerson Drive (Carlisle.)


End file.
